The truth is, I just haven't been in the mood, a while back I realized I had an ability to draw attention and in turn performed like a trained monkey for the reward on offer...being amusing...confrontational, a little different and that seemed to brighten peoples lives.
These days I withdraw... I shut down and become reclusive.....it serves me better in the long run.
We all spend our lives trying to be something to someone...in some cases, anyone will do !
So today, still feeling dreadful...I sit down and contemplate our morning walk. Spring seems to be showing its hand...buds are appearing on trees, blossom bursts in colourful pockets along the river, Magnolia's are the fist the show off and so the cycle continues........life goes on !
I realize now that I don't want an audience, I don't want to be the one everyone turns to....looking for the right words, the deep and meaningful in life...I just want to be me.
I see so many around me these days that are out there, making noise, raising voices just to turn a head, to draw attention, to fill that void that is obviously missing....I don't want to be that person...I hope I am not that person !
Silence is sometimes the best way forward, its not me being mysterious and deep....its just that sometimes there are no words, no need to fill that space with inane noise.
When I see something that moves me, creates that spark within me...I shall write about it, not for your benefit...or anyone else's to be honest, its just what I do when I feel the urge to do it.....so for now I shall try and sit quietly enjoying the peace while it lasts !
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